Silence

 

SILENCE

Between the tick and tock of the clock, there is silence. And if you listen, really listen, you can hold on to it, even as the clock keeps ticking, because the silence lives on underneath. And then, when the time is right, something comes out of the silence, a word, a note of music, a feeling that travels through you like a resounding bell. Everything comes from silence. Simon and Garfunkel knew silence and it brought them inspiration. Bridge Over Troubled Water follows the image of Christ as experienced by Saint Catherine of Siena. But for them, in the Sound of Silence, it is empty, desolate. To experience silence in a positive way, you have to get used to the attitude of listening – listening and waiting, always trusting - because God is in it.

Check out Moses and his burning bush (EXODUS chapter 3). He is in the silence of an empty desert, needing answers to a problem – how to help his enslaved, suffering people - when he sees a bush in flames. And it is no ordinary bush. This bush burns without ever burning out. The clues are all there. This bible story doesn't recount an exterior event, but an interior experience in which Moses hears the voice of God, 'I AM' , the name of the one who is and will be forever. This is the real sound of silence. And the flames are the image of the Holy Spirit, firing Moses up, preparing him for his mission to lead the Israelites out of slavery and on to the promised land.

Writing this, I remembered something that happened to me when I was young. I was practising the Alexander technique*, freeing up physically and mentally, watching as the bockages fell away until, my liberated body fell into harmony. And then, my mouth opened and out came the words, 'I am'. I had reconnected with the true me, the eternal being hidden deep in some mysterious place and waiting to be called back to life. Our own 'I am' is where God is too, where the holy spirit waits to inspire us. The revelation of the I AM in me was an interior experience, entirely spiritual.

It's a sad truth that all too many of us never connect with our own true being within. Mostly we just exist, reacting to life, letting it turn us about, not knowing where we are going or why. We are insecure and often don't see the point of anything. But reconnecting with the eternal being within can change everything. The 'I am' is always there, one with us and ready to inspire us in so many ways.

Before I write anything, I always withdraw into the silence, opening mind, heart and spirit to the inspiration that makes anything possible. And when I'm not writing, I aim to stay connected to the spirit of God within. That way I remain true to my self and can ride out the storms that come to all of us.

* - Google Matthias Alexander, if you don't know it

JILL

Valerie, after a successful career as a TV script writer, - and writing eight novels, you threw in your career and disappeared. And then, for twenty years you wrote nothing – and then this new book of yours came along – God, the Devil and Me – It's an autobiography and it's had some cracking reviews by the way – 'searingly honest', 'a gripping read', 'astonishing'. You've obviously not lost your touch ! But twenty years on – what on earth happened ?

VAL

It's a long story ! I was always what you could call a seeker. In fact, the sub title of the book is The Chronicles of a Seeker of God. Even as a child there was always that cry in the depth of my heart, that sense of something missing. And it only got stronger as I got older. I taught myself to meditate, and later benefitted from the Alexander Technique, which freed me up, left me open to inspiration - and - I was experiencing God's presence in my life.

JILL

God's presence ? In what way ?

VAL

Well, I was in Canterbury, in a play – you know- I was an actress too – the play was Alfie. It was a difficult time. My marriage was in trouble. So between the matinee and evening shows I took to going into the cathedral to find some peace. And I was sitting there in the empty church, wondering what it really was all about – my life, everything, when I heard a voice, clear as a bell. And it said, 'One day you will write a book for God'.

JILL

So, you're saying God told you to write this book ?

VAL

Well, a book. But of course I had no idea what the book would be about.

JILL

So, what happened ?

VAL

You'll have to read the book !! But I will tell you, after my divorce, I was drawn into a sect. You'll find the whole story in the book, it's called God the Devil and Me. The title tells you a good deal. I became their battleground .

JILL

I see. So, which sect ? There are a good many.

VAL

It was Sahaja Yoga. And the guru was called, Mataji, or 'Mother', an Indian lady who had based her teachings on Hindu foundations. When she discovered I was a writer, she gave me special attention. And at first I felt like I was getting closer to God,. But I wasn't. A trap was closing. Mataji knew about the book. And she knew what it would be about. She knew it better than I did.

JILL

Tell me about the trap. How were you trapped ?

VAL

Every sect works the same way. Bit by bit you are made dependent on the guru. You are married to a Sahaja Yogi -

JILL

Were you ?

VAL

Yes. He was the leader of the movement in the UK no less. Then you find your finances bound up in SY in some way. And if you have children, they aren't yours, they're Mataji's. So the bonds that tie you are emotional, financial and mental. The guru is the sole master of all three. Your time is given over to SY meetings, with celebrations all over the world, until you have no time to work to earn your living. It all happens bit by bit, slowly the bonds tighten. And your spiritual freedom is stifled. I saw children taken from their mothers, women accused of immorality and sent away 'to get better' their children told to forget them because they were 'no good.' For me the worst was that I felt my connection with God was slipping. So, I sent Mataji a telepathic message, 'Please give me back my desire for God.' It triggered a catastrophe.

JILL

What happened ?

VAL

I was banished. My husband was told to leave me. He refused, but his little daughter was taken from him. And so, I began to write the book. I was going to sell it to the newspapers to pay for a court case. We wanted her back. But when a solicitor's letter reached the kidnappers, suddenly she was thrown back at us, as traumatised as we were. Our family never really recovered.

JILL

But the book ?

VAL

Yes, the book. I remember looking at what I'd already written, outlining our history, thinking, 'Is there any point going on with it ?' when suddenly I recognised it as the book I was always going to write.

JILL

How long ago was this ?

VAL

Thirty years or so.

JILL

Why has it taken so long ?

VAL

Mataji had said to my husband, 'I can stop her writing'. And she threw everything she had at it. There were malevolent occult attacks, all my writing was attacked, things went wrong, projects fell apart. Mataji's hostility was unrelenting. Again, I have to say read all about it in the book. Mataji wanted to destroy me as a writer.

JILL

What kept you going ?

VAL

God had not deserted me. Mary rescued us – she came to us in Venice, sweeping her love like a cloak around us and eventually taking us to her Son. I started keeping a diary of everything, both God's action and Mataji's reactions. And then I wrote them up into the book. In some ways, I could honestly say that I didn't write this book. God wrote the book in my life. All I had to do was write it down ! So as long as the story continued, I had to keep on writing. I had to chronicle everything So I could help all those others still trapped in Sahaja Yoga, and in all the other sects. I had to show them there is a way out.

JILL

Valerie, you did it, against all the odds. And I must say, it is an inspiring read. A real page turner too. Thank You.